


Beyond Skin-Deep

by bigwolfpup, TiBun



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Forced Crossdressing, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, One Shot, Pre-Relationship, Quinlan is a Jerk, Trans Obi-Wan Kenobi, Transitioning, obikin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 11:58:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15242901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigwolfpup/pseuds/bigwolfpup, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiBun/pseuds/TiBun
Summary: Sometimes Jedi have to make sacrifices for the peace of the galaxy. For Obi-Wan, one sacrifice asked of him is too much for him to handle with his usual amount of grace.





	Beyond Skin-Deep

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: We do not own any recognizable characters, we only explore the possibilities.

“No.” Obi-Wan huffed firmly, his brows lowered to the point that a crease between them made itself known. He was clearly upset, but over what _exactly_ , only he and Quinlan Vos knew, leaving the other Jedi in the dark.

“Oh come on, Obi. It has to be done and even you have to admit you’d pull it off the best of any of us. Not even your pretty-boy former padawan could pull it off as much as you. You’d only need to sha—”

“Stop!” Obi-Wan snapped, “You don’t understand what you’re asking me to do to myself, Vos! You know how long it took me to—no. No.”

Anakin glanced over at Plo Koon, unsure of how to make the conversation go smoother. It was obvious that Obi-Wan didn’t like the idea of posing as a female to get into the all-female colony for the mission, but it was true that he was the one that would fit in the best. He was the shortest and slightest of body build. Not to mention no one had seen his face without a beard in, well, Anakin didn’t know how long. Even when they met and Obi-Wan was still a senior padawan, he’d been growing a beard, as patchy and scraggly as it had been. But men with beards tended to have baby faces hidden under all that hair, and that could help with the disguise...right?

Quinlan took a slow, deep breath as if in a short meditation before he placed his hands on both Obi-Wan’s shoulders and looked down into his eyes, “This is just for one short undercover mission. If I had my padawan here, then I wouldn’t be asking this of you. But we have no women here to help, and we need this to be done right. The rest of us have a higher chance at being discovered.” He paused, taking in how Obi-Wan’s angry expression only hardened with a hint of tears in the corner of his eyes. He sighed and moved to brush away one of those tears with his thumb, “This mission should be quick and even if it’s not, it does not invalidate who you are. It does not change anything about you.”

“I hate you.” the redhead huffed in a surprisingly childlike way that Anakin was unfamiliar with seeing.

“So,” Plo spoke up. “Is there anything we can do to make Obi-Wan more comfortable with this? We still need to get into that colony.”

“But if he’s uncomfortable with doing it now, why make him do it?” Anakin asked, clearly not understanding why Obi-Wan needed to be forced into posing as a woman.

“I’ll do it for the success of the mission but you owe me, Vos.” Obi-Wan grumbled unhappily. “I’ll need to borrow something for hair removal… and no one had better say anything about my face!”

Anakin offered Obi-Wan his hair removal items, attempting a small smile at his former master.

Obi-Wan looked miserable as he mumbled his thanks and slumped his way into a private room to undergo his transformation.

“Uh, I put some clothes on your bunk for you...It’s a dress...sorry they didn’t have much to choose from within our budget for this.” Quinlan called out. Then he groaned and slumped into a chair. “He’ll never forgive me for suggesting this…”

“Then why suggest it in the first place if you knew he’d be uncomfortable with it? I mean, I get it, he’s a guy, and wearing a dress might not be the most appealing clothing for a guy, but hell, I’d get in a dress for this mission if it meant we’d be more successful.” Anakin shrugged.

“You don’t know?” Quinlan asked, lowering his hands from his face and looking over at Anakin, “You were his padawan—you really have no clue even after being close to him for all those years before you were knighted?”

“Uh… about what, exactly? Is there some deep dark secret Obi-Wan is hiding because it’s embarrassing or something?”

“Kinda...for him at least. Not sure it’s my place to tell ya, Skywalker, but…” Quinlan sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, “I guess he was...born wrong? Body-wise, I mean. He struggled with it for years before finally identifying the problem and getting help with it from the temple healers and mind healers. It’s been a slow but healthy transition for him, and asking him to do this mission...well, it’s asking him to pretend all that never happened and put him right back into a place he doesn’t want to be in, even if it’s temporary. I am kinda a dick for it, but...he has the best chance at this mission…”

Anakin’s eyes widened. “Wait, you mean he’s… But he never mentioned it. I always thought he was always, you know, a guy. Why the _hell_ would you make him do this then? You’d _have_ to be the lowest scum in the whole galaxy.”

“We’re Jedi. We do what needs to be done in order to keep the peace of the galaxy in balance. I’d do it myself but the women of that colony has seen all four of us and Obi-Wan has the best chance at not being recognized as a dude in drag. If Aayla had accompanied us, then I would have sent her in, not Obi-Wan, and we don’t have time to wait for another Jedi to be sent all the way out here.”

“It’s _still_ a dick move. We could have failed the mission for all I care, but this is uncalled for. Obi-Wan doesn’t deserve this.”

“We’ll make it up to him. Have a ritual and burn the dress, or something. Do something that’ll make him feel manly again.”

“That still doesn’t change the fact that you made him do this. This can mess him up really bad later on.”

“Look, I wish we had a better choice, but if we send someone in there and they are caught as a man in drag, they will be in grave danger. That colony’s customs are not friendly to the biologically male counterparts of any sentient species. Obi-Wan will be safest of us all going in there, especially if they have scanners at the gates. They’d still tag him as biologically female, no matter how far along in his surgeries he’s gotten. I’m an asshole, I know this, but we need to complete this mission.”

Plo sighed, “It is unfortunate but Knight Vos has a point. Our target is in that colony thinking she’s gotten away. Her guard will be down and Obi-Wan has the chance to question her if he does this. It isn’t right asking him to do this, but what’s done is done. This is a sacrifice Obi-Wan has now agreed to, and all we can do is be ready to support him when he needs us.”

Anakin sighed. “He’ll need a lot of support when he gets back… And since I had no idea about the truth until today, I’m making myself responsible for supporting him, not any of you.”

“He’ll be fine...eventually. Grumpy, for sure.” Quinlan shrugged.

“You’re a terrible friend,” Anakin said flatly.

“Only right now.” he shrugged as the door to the next room slid open and Obi-Wan reluctantly stepped out. His face clean-shaven, and a dress hugging his body in a feminine way. He looked every bit a woman—but even more-so miserable.

“Don’t you say a word, don’t you dare say a single word.”

Anakin glared at Quinlan as Obi-Wan walked past, then he followed his former master out while signaling the others to stay inside.

“Hey, Obi-Wan,” he said, gently grabbing the redhead’s shoulder once they were outside. “I’m sorry you were forced to do this. Had I known before… I just wish I had known before.” He sighed and let his hand drop back to his side.

Obi-Wan’s shoulders slumped, “I just—I liked you not knowing...I liked feeling like any man would feel...without people wondering what’s in my pants or if I’ve gotten that surgery yet or asking uncomfortable questions… You thought I was a normal man and treated me like one...I didn’t want that to change.” he let out a shuddering sigh and shivered, “And now I want to peel my skin off…”

“Quinlan was the one to tell me while you got ready. But don't think I'll treat you any different. I've known you as a man my whole life, that doesn't just change immediately.”

“I just…” Obi-Wan sighed, scratching his arm as he looked away, “I never wanted to look like this again...I look so girly without my beard...and the idea of being called ‘Miss’ instead of ‘Sir’ again is…” He slumped forward, his forehead resting on Anakin’s chest, “I hate this.”

“You shouldn't have to do this if you don't want to.  To hell with the mission. You are more important.” Anakin wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan and hugged him lightly.

“...Already shaved…”

“That means nothing.” Anakin sighed. “But the others will get upset if you don't do this. I won't make you go, but if you think this mission needs to be completed, I won't stop you.”

“It does...it just...sucks. We need to get to Ventress, but…” he sighed and shuttered, “Why couldn’t she run to some other planet to hide on?”

“Because she knows the Order sent us to hunt her down, and she knows we're not welcome here.” Anakin shook his head. “Whatever, we will find her, and when you get back you'll be treated like a man again.”

“...You’re sure this won’t change how you see me? You won’t look at me and just think about what’s under my tunics?”

“I never thought of that before, so why should I now? You're still my former master and a good friend to me. My view of you hasn't changed one bit.”

Obi-Wan pulled back and looked up at Anakin with a skeptical look that was all too familiar to the blond. “You have been eyeing me up since you started puberty and you have been asking me out on dates since you were knighted. I doubt you haven’t ever thought about what’s under my tunics. I simply meant that those thoughts change to...wondering what genitals I have.”

Anakin rolled his eyes. “I could honestly care less what you got in your pants. Yeah I've asked you out before, and you can bet I'll still try, but I've never been concerned with what's in your pants. Don't need to be unless things get very serious between us, which hasn't happened.”

A surprised look crossed Obi-Wan’s face, “You’d still be interested in dating me?”

“Yeah, you're the same as you were before. Again, nothing has changed. Not our relationship, not my feelings towards you.”

“I’m surprised...every other time an interested person found out they...reacted badly…”

“They don't know how to treat someone once they know they're different. You treat them exactly how you treated them before, no different. Difference pushes them away.”

“When did you get to be so wise, Padawan?” Obi-Wan managed a chuckle.

Anakin smirked. “I learned from the best master.”

Obi-Wan smiled and shifted onto his toes to press a kiss to Anakin’s cheek, “Thank you for cheering me up a bit.”

Flushing, Anakin smiled more. “Anytime. I just want you to know that nothing has changed now that I know the truth. I'm sticking with you for a long time.”

“I need to go before I lose courage to do this…” he pulled away and looked up, “...Have a nice tea and pair of clean pants ready for me when I return?”

“Absolutely.” Anakin winked.

Obi-Wan nodded and turned to go.

 

* * *

 

It was a while before Obi-Wan returned from the colony. Anakin had been waiting inside, watching for his friend's return. When he saw the redhead finally return, a smile found its way into his face. He got up and met Obi-Wan just outside the door.

“How did it go?”

“My experience or the mission?” Obi-Wan asked.

“The mission. I know the experience was less than enjoyable.”

“It was a success...after the woman stopped laughing and teasing me when she realized...but then she seemed to become more understanding and she finally handed over the data she stole.”

“Good. Now let's get you out of that dress. I have the tea and pants you wanted ready for you. Both are warm.”

“Thank the Force.” he muttered, hurrying inside, intent on changing out of all things girly as soon as he could. Finding a pair of his pants laying out for him, Obi-Wan quickly discarded his disguise and slipped into the slacks as quickly as he could, followed by a fresh under tunic. Feeling better already, he then left the room, barefoot and lacking his usual layers, the dress in his hand. As soon as he saw Quinlan, he chucked the offending garment into the Kiffar’s face.

Anakin held back a laugh while he held Obi-Wan's tea, offering it to the redhead when he was close enough.

“Thank you, Anakin.” Obi-Wan said before taking a sip and letting out a sigh before he sat down. He was feeling...better, but what had happened still was clearly bothering him as he curled up with his tea.

Anakin took a seat right next to Obi-Wan. “Does your tea taste good? I know it's been a while since I last made tea for you, so I'm a bit out of practice.”

“It’s a bit on the sweet side, but you have always liked a lot of sweetener in your tea.” Obi-Wan chuckled, letting himself lean against Anakin’s shoulder.

“I do like sweet tea, but less sweetener next time. Got it.” Anakin smiled down at Obi-Wan, ignoring the other Jedi until they decided to look away.

“The data card is in the pocket of that thing.” Obi-Wan muttered into his tea, his eyes glancing at the dress in Quinlan’s hands.

“Good, he can dig to find it. He deserves it anyways.” Subconsciously Anakin pulled Obi-Wan a little closer to him..

“Quinlan,” Plo sighed, standing up, “Lets go look over the data on the card and leave Obi-Wan to deal with his personal things.”

“Fine,” Quinlan sighed, annoyed as he followed Plo out of the room.

Anakin watched them go and stretched a little once they were gone, leaving him and Obi-Wan alone. “Took them long enough…”…”

“Mhmmph…” Obi-Wan turned his head to hide his face in Anakin’s shoulder.

Anakin wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan. “You're still handsome you know. I always thought so, even when I was your padawan still.”

“I had a beard. Of course I was handsome. Beards do that.” Obi-Wan mumbled, his hand shifting to touch his hairless chin.

“You're handsome without the beard. I like you just the same without it.”

“I look like a girl without it. Do you know how many time I was called ‘ _pretty_ ’ today?”

“I imagine several times. But you're really not pretty. You're handsome, and you always will be.”

“You’re just trying to cheer me up.”

“Well, yeah, but I'm not saying these things just to make you feel better. I'm saying them because they're true.”

Obi-Wan took the last sip of his tea before setting the cup down and laying across the bench with his head in Anakin’s lap, “You can believe it all you want, but I really don’t feel handsome when I look so feminine.”

“Your beard will grow back.” Anakin ran a hand through Obi-Wan's hair. “And at least now you can correct people if they misgender you. They need to know that your a guy, not a girl.”

“It still sucks, even if I correct them...Before I went on T and started growing facial hair and my voice went through second puberty...it was rough…”

“But now your voice is deeper and your facial structure is certainly more masculine. Plus, you know I'll help correct those who call you a girl.”

“...And if they refuse to correct themselves?”

“Then they'll find my fist in their face.”

Obi-Wan paused. “That’s not very Jedi-like, Anakin.” he said before he laughed, “Qui-Gon used to say the same thing after I came out to him, though.”

“Anyone who refuses to correct themselves deserves more than a punch in the face. It's very disrespectful of them to do that.”

“Some cultures believe that it’s unnatural and should be a crime. The Galaxy’s come a long way, but there are still some who… I just want my beard back so there will be no unwanted comments or attention…”

“I'm sure it'll grow back quickly. You won't be without it for long,” Anakin reassured with a smile.

“I know, I just... _feel_ uncomfortable.”

“I know… You know, you could probably use some makeup products to make it look like you have a beard. I’ve seen people pull it off really well.”

“I don’t know how to use makeup.”

“I know very little, but I know someone who knows a lot about it. I'm sure she'd be more than willing to help.”

“And she’d know how to do bearded makeup?”

“She is a wizard when it comes to makeup. I'm sure she can figure it out.”

“And who..?”

Anakin smiled. “Senator Amidala.””

“I see…” Obi-Wan sighed, thinking on if he should agree or not.

“You can at least try it out and see what you think. And before you know it your beard will be growing back.” Anakin grabbed Obi-Wan's hand and squeezed it.

“But I’d have to tell her why I need it…”

“She's understanding. I told her I was gay, and she was perfectly fine with it. She's not judgmental of people.”

Obi-Wan shifted uncomfortably, “I still don’t know…”

“How about you meet her first, and then if you decide you like her, you can meet with her again and tell her.”

“I haven’t spoken to her since you were my padawan and left in charge of her safety. We had never gotten close like you did. I don’t even know if she’d take my holocall She’s a busy woman.”

“Then we go meet her at her office the next time she is on Coruscant.”

“Ani…” Obi-Wan chuckled, “By then my beard should be coming in.”

“Hey, it never hurts to make a new friend.” Anakin smiled down at Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan lifted his eyebrows, “I won’t argue with that, but the makeup beard idea won’t work if I already have grown my real one back by the time we get back to Coruscant.”

“Then we just have to wait then. I promise it won’t be that bad. I’ll punch anyone who tries to make you feel bad, okay? Hell, I’ll even punch Quinlan the next time I see him. He deserves it honestly.”

“I am quite cross with that annoying bantha right now.” Obi-Wan chuckled. It was clear that little by little, he was starting to feel more comfortable—at least around Anakin.

“I am too. He has it coming for him.” Anakin sighed, resting a hand on Obi-Wan’s chest.

The redhead flinched slightly, but then relaxed as he reminded himself that he’d had top surgery years before and that day’s activities hadn’t made his chest magically revert back into the massive cup size he used to support. It was fine.

Anakin noticed the small flinch, moving his hand away. “Sorry…” He instead put his hand on the redhead’s shoulder.

Obi-Wan shook his head, “It’s fine...my chest has been fixed, today just...made me forget how far I’ve gotten in my transition, and for a moment I feared your hand found a pair of unwanted lumps of fat instead of toned pecs…”

“Just didn’t want to make you any more uncomfortable than you already are today, though I can’t say how many times I’ve already touched your chest before today.” The blond smirked, remembering several of the battles he had fought alongside his old master previously.

“Which I noticed tended to be more often after you developed your little crush on me.”

Anakin shrugged. “Things happen. You tend to touch someone more after you realize you like them.”

“I think…” Obi-Wan lowered his voice. He knew Plo and Quinlan had left them and would respect their privacy, but he still felt the need to keep things quiet, “...it’s about time that we address your little crush...now that you know the truth and why I never wanted to have such a conversation with you before when you asked.”

Anakin fell silent for a bit. “So… yeah I have a crush on you. In the past I always assumed that when I asked you, you were never interested because you saw me as too young or less like a romantic partner and more like a kid of yours.”

“You never felt like my son, Anakin. I know some master-padawan duos do end up with that kind of dynamic as I had one like that with Qui-Gon, but I think because of how you became my padawan I was incapable of it. I didn’t choose you, Qui-Gon did. And I was _just_ knighted when I took you on, I never had the experience of being a knight off on my own to separate myself from being a padawan myself. So it felt like...I was tutoring you in Qui-Gon’s place…”

Anakin nodded. “So, you never saw me as your kid. You only saw me as your student until I became a knight.”

“A student, yes, but also a friend.”

“I don’t think I realized I had my crush on you until my later padawan years. I was… confused at first. Balancing the end of my learning under your teaching, becoming an adult, dealing with feelings I knew I had no business having…”

“I would not have entertained such thoughts before your knighting. You were an adult as a senior padawan, but still under me. Being a knight made you my equal, but I still pushed such thoughts away because...well...I’m not what you thought, and I feared you’d think I was tricking you or worse…”

“But now I know the truth, and my crush still exists. You’re still the same Obi-Wan as far as I’m concerned.”

“But if we were to get intimate…” Obi-Wan sighed, his voice dropping even lower, “I’ve never had the time to have and recover from bottom surgery, and I haven’t completely decided if I want that or not…”

Anakin shrugged. “I don’t care. Not having bottom surgery doesn’t make you any less a man.”

“But you’d be comfortable with it?”

“Of course.”

Another look of surprise dawned on Obi-Wan’s face. “When you told me you thought you were gay, I thought... Well, frankly I thought you specifically liked dicks.”

“They’re nice, yes, but they’re not the attractive part of a guy.”

“Well, I’d agree they aren’t pretty to look at, but when it comes to sexual pleasure…”

“They’re not necessary for anything but reproduction. At least for humans anyways.”

“Pleasure.” Obi-Wan reminded simply.

Anakin went silent, his face flushing slightly. “Well, yeah… they make things feel pretty nice for a while…”

“Which is what I’m referring to, and why I thought you wouldn’t….like me anymore after finding out if I did decide to try taking our relationship beyond simply friendship.”

“I won’t lie, I have thought a few times of how… an encounter like that might go. But even if you don’t have what I have, that doesn’t drive me away from the idea of us hooking up sometime.”

“We would have to follow the code and not get attached. Put our duty as Jedi before our feelings for each other.” Obi-Wan cautioned.

Anakin rolled his eyes a bit. “We just don’t need to get caught and we’ll be fine.”

“You do know that relationships are allowed as long as they aren’t possessive, right?”

“Yeah, you taught me that…”

“Then why would you think we’d have to hide it, you ridiculous boy?” Obi-Wan laughed, messing Anakin’s curls.

“In case we decide to get serious about this and… have a possessive relationship.”

“Whatever makes you think that we can’t be serious without possessiveness? Possessiveness is not healthy for a relationship Anakin, and it leads to the Dark Side. If we are going to do this I need to know you can do it with me without feeling you own me. Where you can let me go if I need to go, or if it comes down to choosing between saving me, or saving civilians from some sort of disaster, you’d save them. And I’d need you to understand that while I would choose to save them over you, it’s not because I don’t love you and it would hurt me deeply to lose you.”

Anakin sighed. “You know I struggle with relationships. You saw how broken I was after my mother died. This is going to be hard for me to keep under control anyways.”

“I know, but do you want a good, healthy and lasting relationship with me, or would you rather have one where you end up essentially smothering me as I’d be prevented from fully living my life by your side?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Anakin replied quietly.

“Then you can’t let your feelings get possessive. If we do this, I would want our relationship to last. I wouldn’t leave you unless you force me to make that choice by becoming too possessive. I do love you, Anakin, but we can’t flirt with the dark side or put others at risk for selfish reasons.”

Anakin blinked, eyes widening a little. “You… you love me?”

Obi-Wan’s cheeks flushed pink, all too noticeable without his beard.

“Holy Force… Sit up.” Anakin encouraged the redhead to get up from his lap and to look him in the eyes.

“What?” Obi-Wan pushed himself up and turned to face the younger Jedi.

With little warning, Anakin grabbed the other man’s tunic, pulled Obi-Wan closer, and kissed him.

“An—mmph!” Obi-Wan gasped, his eyes wide with surprise before he let himself relax into the kiss.

The kiss lasted for a little longer, then Anakin hugged Obi-Wan tight with a sigh. “Sorry, but you don’t know how much I’ve wanted you to say something like that to me.”

“I...guess I should have expected you to react like that.” Obi-Wan admitted with a chuckle, “But I do stand by what I said before. If we do this, it has to be a healthy romance, not a possessive one.”

“I want that. I don’t want to drive you away.” Anakin sat back with a smile.

“Then we can try this.” Obi-Wan laced his fingers with Anakin’s, “Thank you...for accepting me and still wanting me…”

“Nothing was going to change anyways. I was always going to like you no matter what.” The blond squeezed Obi-Wan’s hand and pulled him in for another kiss.

This time, Obi-Wan sank into the kiss, kissing back right away as he slipped his arms around the tall blond.

Anakin wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan's waist while they kissed, a warm feeling spreading through his body as he realized he finally was able to kiss his crush after so many years of chasing after him and being denied.

“We can take things slow, right?” Obi-Wan muttered when their lips finally parted.

“Absolutely. We'll go as slow as we need to.””

“Good.” Obi-Wan pressed a third kiss to Anakin’s lips before pulling back and reaching for his empty tea cup, “Fresh cup.” he muttered, standing up. “Want some?”

“Sure, lots of sweetener in it.” Anakin smiled.

“Sweetener with a little tea in it; got it.” Obi-Wan teased.

Anakin chuckled. “Sounds delicious.”

The redhead quirked a smile and got out a second cup.

* * *

-End-

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
